Everything is true. Didn't you hear? The latest claptrap buzz going on around town. Rumors, talking tabloids, the vicious and unwarrented lies. So many words, all the time, every day. Is this what poor people do for fun? I need to clean out all the garbage in my head, to get rid of the bad thoughts and memories that have plagued me for far too long. I want to wash out everything that's made me dirty and terrible, and become a clean, decent human being again. I've been submerged into tanks of shit for far too long. So let's air our dirty laundry - it'll be fun! This is my page, and it's about all the dirt and deception I've been involved with in my life. I'd go to a priest, but I'm not a catholic, and it's beginning to look like their dirty secrets are far worse than mine anyway.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this page is not for the weak of stomach or mind. There's some rough-and-tumble subject matter below, and for this I have chosen not to give my full name, nor the real names, of anyone involved. Everything else, however, is the God's honest truth about everything, for better or worse.


Cocktail Johnny and the Sewer Brigade: Confessions of a Midnight Joker   - My secret double-life of daring escapes and intregue like you wouldn't believe! How did I ever escape that towering inferno filled with apocolyptic neo-Nazis to save both the president and those trapped supermodels on the top floor at the last possible moment? Click on the link to read this week's chapter of the most exciting serial ever! (NOTE: This is just catchy bull-plop to make you read what the page is actually about).

"Your new negro wife is right this way, Mr. Tompkins!"

The Ladies and Me: A Love/Hate Story : The trials, tribulations, continuing trials, slight successes and miserable failures. Read about the horrible, wonderful love life of Mike.

"Did you hear? Sharon has The Clap again!"

Bonus rant: why Mike stays away from everybody - Answer: because they are the devil.

"Here's the ransom note. I think it's a toe."

Afterthoughts And Epiphanies: Who Am I This Time? - Finally free from his burdensome past, Mike finds optimism and clarity towards the future, hovering ever so ominously over his head.

...and everyone died, especially the children.
The End.

WOW! Did someone actually read all this? You may know more about me than my parents do! E-mail me if you have anything to say. Don't worry, I know exactly what I did by putting all of this on the internet. Only fools and tools, I suppose.